Backstory
by Depudor
Summary: When Finn and Kate decide to teach a class together, they find that they can't escape their history. Please read the full summary for an explanation of the structure of the flashbacks.
1.

Backstory, Part 1 

Title: Backstory, Part 1 of 6 

Author: Depudor 

Email: depudor@hotmail.com 

Category: Finn/Other 

Rating: R 

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Steven Antin and Columbia/Tristar Television. No infringement intended. 

Summary: This is a Finn/Kate fic that is a quasi-sequel to 'The Best Christmas Ever' and begins one month after the events in that story. The main storyline is interspersed with flashback/backstory scenes that start with the episode Kiss & Tell and then go backwards in time from there. So the flashbacks are in reverse order, with the earliest flashback coming last. Make sense? Hopefully it will. 

Notes: The song "Breakin' Me" by Johnny Lang is somewhat key to this story, but it's from the show, so if you've got tapes you don't need to download anything off of Napster (although you should, because it's a great song). Just check out the first Kate/Finn scene in Kiss & Tell, the kissing scene that's interrupted by Ryder. The other song is "Suzanne" by Leonard Cohen -- the music is not important to the story, but it's a brilliant and beautiful song. And when I checked the lyrics on the Web, the site said "Related Artists: Nick Drake." So there you go. A YA connection and I didn't even know it. 

Thanks: To Debi for her laborious hours spent helping me fine-tune this, to Sue and wonka for their input, and with a special dedication and much love to all you teachers out there! 

Feedback: Always appreciated. Thank you! ________________________________________________________________________________ 

It was a bleary January morning as Finn looked out at the snowy quad through the window of the teacher's lounge, or "the Lab" as they called it. He walked over to the coffee maker and refilled his mug, not because he needed the caffeine but because he craved something warm. The coffee had obviously been sitting on the burner for over an hour; it was dark and syrupy and smelled cooked. He walked back to the small table but didn't sit -- couldn't sit. He'd been pacing back and forth for ten minutes while he waited for her. He opened a blue binder and casually flipped through his notes so that he could look busy when she showed up. 

Finally, Kate appeared in the doorway, looking frazzled. "Sorry I'm late," she said. "Hamilton wouldn't get out of bed. I don't know why he's been so tired lately." 

"Don't apologize. I just got here. Coffee?" 

Kate made a face. "Yuck. Not _that_ putrid stuff. I had some at home." She sat down at the table and pulled a file folder out of her bag. She gave Finn a quick smile. "Should we get started?" 

"Sure." He sat down and watched as she laid out a checklist of topics and questions, poised her pen over the first one, and launched right in. 

"Um, I know this is different than what we planned," she began, "but I think it makes sense with both of us teaching, that we should make the class co-ed. Don't you think?" 

"Of course. But I have to check with the English committee." 

"No, you don't," she replied casually. 

Finn looked at her, remembering that she didn't have to jump through administrative hoops like the rest of them. "Oh, right." 

Kate nodded and checked off an entry on her list. "OK, I also think we should balance the authors, 50-50 male female, with minority representation proportional to-" 

"That's a nice checklist," he interjected. 

She stopped but kept her eyes on her piece of paper. "Thank you. I just wanted to make sure I didn't forget anything." 

"Yeah, it's good to be organized. I guess last time we did this we kind of shot-from-the-hip." 

She looked up quickly. "What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Nothing. I'm just saying, this is much more business-like than our last lesson plan." 

Kate hesitated, a bit flustered by his implication. She looked down at the table, and her eyes rested on Finn's coffee mug, which stated in big black letters, 'Kiss me, I'm a teacher!' Kate looked up at him, and he caught the look in her eye. She turned away with an embarrassed smile that faded as she spoke. 

"Finn, that's why I didn't want to do the poetry class last semester. Because I didn't want any more of our summer session lesson plans." 

She looked at him pointedly, but all he saw was the way her lips pursed when she was annoyed. He remembered the last discussion of poetry class because it was the last time he'd kissed her, on a warm summer day that was so different from today and felt so long ago... 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Finn gave a quick knock and walked into the art room, the faint scent of clay and oil paints filling his nostrils. Kate was by the window, the warm morning sunlight illuminating her golden hair. 

She turned and greeted him with a cheerful "Hi!" 

"Hi," Finn replied, striding toward her. "About the curriculum for poetry class..." 

"Right, right. It looks fine. Um, pretty basic. Lacking some estrogen, perhaps." 

He leaned forward onto the stool next to her and wrinkled his brow. "Does Shelley count?" 

She gave him a playful half-smile as she continued to lay out pottery pieces on the counter. 

As Finn watched her, he noticed the song playing on the radio, and it sent a wave of heat through him. "Mmmm..." 

_I don't want to be in love   
But you're makin' me   
Let me up I've had enough   
Girl, you're breakin' me_

"You remember this song?" he asked her. 

"No." 

"Yeah you do." 

"No I don't," she said distractedly. 

"You, me... in the boathouse." He cocked his head to the side, rakishly, he hoped. 

"You mean, you and _I_ in the boathouse," she corrected him, giving him a glance but turning back to her work. 

Finn's seductive smile faded to a smirk for a moment, but then he leaned in closer to her, demanding her attention as he said softly, "Don't correct my grammar, and I won't tell you who the father of Cubism is." He was so close to her he could feel her breath when she turned to him, feel the air around her as she seemed to tense and relax at the same time. 

"Don't do this," she begged, but she didn't turn away. 

"OK." But he kept moving closer, reaching out his hand to touch her stomach. 

"Don't do this," she reiterated half-heartedly, her lower lip trembling slightly. Her words tried to push him away, but her eyes were drawing him closer. And she didn't back away as his lips came down to meet hers. She kissed him back, as her hands reached up to touch his face... 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

"Finn!" Kate demanded, snapping his attention back to the present and the reality of loneliness and January. She wasn't smiling now. Her eyes looked nervous. "Are you listening to me? If this is going to be a problem, if this is going to be uncomfortable, then --" 

"I can't speak for comfort levels, but there won't be a problem. We've been working together for four years, three of them platonic. We can do this." 

She looked down at her notebook, taking a deep breath. "Good. Because I think I made it clear at Christmas that --" 

"You made it very clear at Christmas," Finn replied, not wanting to have the discussion again. 

"Fine. Good, then." Kate opened her folder and handed him a piece of paper. "Here's a copy of the syllabus I did, with the changes I made from last year's. Look it over and let me know what you think." She stood up and quickly slid her papers back into her bag. 

"That's it?" Finn said. 

"I'll stop by your room later. I have to get to class." 

She gathered up her things and left quickly. Finn took a moment to look over the syllabus before heading off to class. 

He arrived in his classroom to find that the January cold had seeped inside. It was freezing, and it failed to warm up even after the numerous bodies packed into the room for first period. After class, Finn went over to the thermostat and poked a pencil in it, trying to jimmy the tiny bar inside. 

"Hey!" a youthful voice called. 

Finn jumped at the sound of unexpected company. As he turned to see Will greeting him with an eager grin, he broke off the end of the pencil, leaving it wedged in the thermostat. "Damn!" 

"You know, I think you can get arrested for tampering with those things." 

Finn sighed. "Mr. Krudski, to what do I owe the pleasure?" 

"You know how you thought I should enter that short story contest?" 

"Yes, and I still think you should. But you said fiction was not your forte." 

"I know. So I read that book you gave me, about the creative process. And it gave me some ideas." 

Finn smiled at Will. The excitement on the boy's face warmed him, and he remembered when he used to feel that way about writing. He could tell that Will was about to burst at the seams, so eager to share his ideas. 

"Pull up a chair, but hurry. You've got class in five minutes, and I've gotten in enough trouble in the past for making you late." 

Will was lightly bouncing on his feet, racking his brain for a plan. "I'd wait til after classes, but I've got to get to the diner." He looked up at Finn hopefully. "Maybe you could..." 

"Meet you there? How's four o'clock?" 

Will's grin broke out on his face again. "Perfect. We won't have the dinner crowd yet, so it won't be busy. I'll buy you a cup of coffee." 

"Deal. And then I'll buy you dinner." 

As much as humanly possible, Will's grin grew even bigger. "Finn, you're the best!" he cried, running back to the door. "I'll see you there!" 

As Will disappeared out the door, Finn heard him call, "Hi, Mrs. Fleming!" 

"Hi, Will. Slow down!" And then Kate appeared in the doorway. "He sure seems excited," she commented. "I wish my students got that excited about creativity." 

"Ah, so you heard that." 

"I heard most of it." She paused. "I'm often in awe of how much you care about your students, how involved you get. I used to think it was because..." 

"Because I don't have a life?" 

Kate smiled, shook her head, and then nodded. "Yeah, I guess that was it. But I learned that you really believe that they can do anything, that they should get every opportunity, even if you have to force it down their throats." She looked down at the papers on his desk, changing tracks. "Did you look at the syllabus yet?" 

"Yeah, it's right there on top. I made notes, just my scribbles. Did you want me to type it up?" 

"No, it's OK." She picked it up and shook her head. "Good thing I can read scribble." She looked at the syllabus for a moment, not really looking. Finn could tell that she wanted to say something else. He could always tell. But Kate always kept her silence. 

This time, though, her tone turned serious, and she said, "There's a reason why you're the only teacher with whom I do joint lessons, and it's not because of our personal history." She looked up at him. "I really do think you're the best, Finn." 

The words flowed over him like much-needed heat. They weren't passionate or loving, but they were Kate, and full of feeling. She had been so cold to him over the past few months, and he never could find her thermostat to adjust for that. He needed her affection - he craved it, and now he found himself walking toward her, unintentionally, just needing that warmth that only she could give him... 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Spring was in full bloom and blowing a warm breeze that followed them as they walked out of the bright sunlight and into the darkness of the boathouse. Finn took one end of the two-man scull, and he and Hamilton lifted it up onto the shelf and secured it. 

"Alright, you're free," Finn said. "Get outta here." 

Hamilton shrugged. "I don't mind helping out." He looked around at the ground and the equipment, then flipped on the small radio that sat on a nearby shelf. 

"Nah, you go on. Your mom's probably expecting you home for dinner." 

Hamilton crossed his arms. "I'm so sick of chicken," he complained. 

"It's good for you." 

Hamilton looked up at the scull and refastened a loose strap on an oar, then stood back. "That was a pretty good run, wasn't it?" he asked, eyes on the scull. Eye contact was not Hamilton's specialty. 

"Yeah, it was a great run. You're turning into a great rower, Ham. We'll have you in top form by the time summer session rolls around." 

"Cool. Well, see ya." And without a word of thanks, Hamilton trudged out the doorway. 

"You were right," a voice uttered softly from the darkness. Finn turned to see Kate emerge from behind a boat rack in the corner. 

"Were you spying on us?" Finn asked. 

"Sort of. I was watching you two out on the lake. I don't know much about crew, but I thought Hamilton looked pretty good." 

"He's very good, Kate. Very focused. And he seems to like it, as much as I can tell." 

Kate smiled. "Hamilton can be hard to read." 

"Swahili is hard to read, Kate. Hamilton is impossible." 

"I know, but he's so much better since you've started working with him. He may not say it, but he's really looking forward to summer session, and being on the team. And I think it'll be so good for him. I think you were right. This is exactly what he needs." 

Kate stepped closer to Finn. A trickle of sunlight came through the window, stirred the dust in the air and then glinted off her golden hair. She reached out and took his hand. "I wanted to thank you. You've really helped him. I'm not even worried anymore about him starting school--" 

Finn laughed softly, not buying it. 

"OK, I'm still a little worried," Kate admitted. "But I'm less worried, because I know you'll watch out for him." She squeezed his hand and smiled at him, her green eyes happy yet glistening with pent-up tears. 

Finn gently touched her face and ran a finger under the corner of her eye. And then he whispered softly, "He'll be OK." 

Kate nodded, but it was a nod of uncertainty. She fell against Finn and hugged him, thanking him for what he was trying to do. He was surprised at first, but then he held her tightly. As they stood there silently, he heard a familiar song playing on the radio. 

_So here I am   
Just half a man, standing alone   
Feeling like I lost my only chance   
At happiness when I let you go_

"Do you know this song?" Finn asked her. 

"No." 

"It's one I listen to from time to time. It reminds me of us, of college." 

_The first time my heart was ever touched,   
Was the day I lost your love   
I can feel it in my flesh and blood   
My soul can only take it so much_

Kate breathed against his chest, listening. 

_So there it is   
Why can't you give us one more try   
You and I could find a way to live   
If you let me in one more time_

Suddenly she pushed away from him. "No," she said. 

"What?" 

"I can't." 

"Can't what?" 

"Give us another try." 

"Kate, it's just a song--" 

"What happened before, I mean, in March, in the woods, not _before_ before -- anyway -- it didn't mean anything. I would never cheat on my husband." 

"I know." 

"I love him." She looked up at Finn, her eyes pleading to be believed. 

"Of course." He reached out to touch her face again, this time running his thumb over her soft, full lips. He wasn't listening to her. He was only hearing the music, lost in the memory of when he used to kiss those lips. 

And then she was moving toward him, grabbing him, grabbing his shirt and pulling him down until his lips met hers. He reached around her and pulled her to him, against him, as his lips parted and his tongue met hers. It was a delicious first taste of the intimacy he was craving. He wanted more. Obviously she did, too, because she was pulling him around the corner, behind the boat rack, and out of sight. 

_I don't want to be in love   
But you're makin' me   
Let me up I've had enough   
Girl, you're breakin' me_

~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

"Finn, don't!" Kate cried as he approached her. Finn stopped, not even realizing what he was doing. Then they both looked at the open door, where students were passing by on their way to class. 

"I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head, the warmth of the boathouse fleeing from him and the chill of that cold classroom sinking back in. "I don't know what--" He stopped as two boys walked into the classroom, talking to each other. 

Kate lowered her voice. "You said this wasn't going to be a problem." 

"It won't be," he whispered. "I just had... a momentary lapse. It won't happen again." 

Kate nodded, unconvinced, then put the syllabus in her bag and walked out again. 

**End of Part 1**


	2. 

Backstory, Part 2 

Title: Backstory, Part 2 of 6 

Author: Depudor 

Email: depudor@hotmail.com 

Category: Finn/Other 

Rating: R 

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Steven Antin and Columbia/Tristar Television. No infringement intended. 

Summary: This is a Finn/Kate fic that is a quasi-sequel to 'The Best Christmas Ever' and begins one month after the events in that story. The main storyline is interspersed with flashback/backstory scenes that start with the episode Kiss & Tell and then go backwards in time from there. So the flashbacks are in reverse order, with the earliest flashback coming last. Make sense? Hopefully it will. 

Notes: The song "Breakin' Me" by Johnny Lang is somewhat key to this story, but it's from the show, so if you've got tapes you don't need to download anything off of Napster (although you should, because it's a great song). Just check out the first Kate/Finn scene in Kiss & Tell, the kissing scene that's interrupted by Ryder. The other song is "Suzanne" by Leonard Cohen -- the music is not important to the story, but it's a brilliant and beautiful song. And when I checked the lyrics on the Web, the site said "Related Artists: Nick Drake." So there you go. A YA connection and I didn't even know it. 

Thanks: To Debi for her laborious hours spent helping me fine-tune this, to Sue and wonka for their input, and with a special dedication and much love to all you teachers out there! 

Feedback: Always appreciated. Thank you! 

_______________________________________________________________________________ 

Will dipped one of his fries into the ketchup on Finn's plate and chewed on it as he spoke. "I think it'll be good for me to write something in the third person. Broaden my horizons." 

"Isn't that my line? Pretty soon you won't need a teacher anymore." 

"That'll never happen." 

Finn took a big bite of his hamburger and barely noticed the bell ring over the diner's front door, announcing the arrival of new customers. But he did look up when he heard Will call, "Hey guys!" 

Jake and Hamilton jogged up to them at the counter, their faces ripe from the cold outside. They both had hats on and were wearing almost identical navy wool coats. "Hey!" they both said. 

"You guys look like twins," Will said, shaking his head to suggest that this was very uncool. 

Jake turned and gave Hamilton a backhand punch in the arm, then pleaded her case to Will. "I told him I was wearing the pea coat tonight! But no, he shows up like this anyway." 

"I came straight from the gym!" Hamilton defended himself. "I didn't have time to go back and get a different coat." 

"You had time. Your stomach just wouldn't wait." She raised her eyebrows and looked down her nose at him. 

Hamilton grinned guiltily, put a hand on his stomach, and called to the guy behind the counter, "Hey, could we get an order of onion rings, for starters?" 

This made Jake laugh, and then Hamilton burst out laughing as well. 

"Can we join you guys?" Jake asked, pulling off her gloves. 

Will looked at his watch. "My break's almost over. I gotta get back behind the counter." 

"I'm taking off soon, too," Finn said. 

"K, we're grabbing a booth then." Jake and Hamilton took off for a quiet corner. 

"They just want to be alone anyway," Will said when they were gone. "And I'm getting sick of Hamilton. He's too happy." 

"Because of Jake?" 

Will looked over at them, a tinge of jealousy in his voice as he undertoned, "They're having sex." 

Finn nodded. "That'll do it." 

Will slid off his stool and went around behind the counter. Finn stuffed the last bit of his burger into his mouth, and Will picked up their plates. "I still owe you a cup of coffee," Will said. 

"OK. Better make it decaf." 

While Will went to pour a cup, Finn turned to watch Jake and Hamilton. They were cozied up in the corner booth. Hamilton had taken off his coat and was wearing only a sleeveless Rawley crew shirt, which showed off his powerful arms. He already had one hand inside Jake's coat and seemed to be trying to get it off, but she was resisting. Finally, she turned to face Hamilton, pulled her coat open to flash him, and then quickly closed it again. Ham raised his eyebrows and grinned. 

Finn stared at him, as he sometimes found himself doing. He couldn't believe that this Hamilton was the same boy he used to know. 

Will set a cup of coffee down in front of Finn, who turned back to him and asked, "So what about you, Will? How's your love life?" 

"Still spinning my wheels, going nowhere. Does that count as a love life?" 

Finn lifted his cup in a toast. "Works for me." 

Will leaned forward, resting his arms on the counter, and stared out the window. He said thoughtfully, "I think maybe I've been looking in the wrong place. Maybe guys like us aren't cut out for rich girls." 

"Oh, I don't know, Will. Don't give up on rich girls. Just because a girl's background is different from yours doesn't mean she can't understand you." 

But Will seemed to have already made up his mind. "Do you think you can fall in love when you're six years old?" 

Finn watched Will watch the gas station across the street but didn't say anything. 

"I mean... what happens if your first love turns out to be your best love?" Will continued. "People always say you're too young to really know, that if you jump in too soon you'll regret it later. We're always told that you have to get experience, go out in the world and explore, see if there's something better out there." 

"Sometimes what's right here is all you need." 

Will nodded and continued to look out the window, and suddenly his eyes widened. "Uh-oh." 

"Uh-oh what?" Finn asked. He turned to the window to see Kate coming across the street toward the diner. He turned the other way and saw Kate's son feeding an onion ring to Jake. "Uh-oh." 

"I gotta warn them," Will said, heading for the end of the counter. 

"No, wait." Finn stood up from his stool. "You're working. I'll do it." He walked quickly across the room to the booth, leaned down with his hands on the table and said, "Ham, your mom's about to walk in here." 

They both froze, Jake holding an onion ring halfway into Hamilton's mouth. The bell over the door jingled. Jake pulled away from her boyfriend, taking half the onion ring with her, but Hamilton's reaction was even more extreme. He dove underneath the table and out of sight. She stared down at him, startled. 

"Mrs. Fleming!" Will called. Kate stepped up to the counter, and Finn gave a last look at Jake and then walked back to his stool. 

"Good evening, Will," Kate greeted him. She looked up as Finn appeared next to her. "Oh, good, you're still here." 

"I'm still here," Finn said. "What are you doing here?" 

"Well, Steven's out of town, and Hamilton said he's having supper at the dining hall with the guys, so I thought I'd meet you here and get a bite to eat." 

"Actually, I was just leaving. Will needs to get back to work. But we could go for a walk, maybe swing by the Red Dragon and get some take-out." 

"OK, sounds good. I'd like us to talk some more." She looked sideways at Will, who was eyeing her suspiciously. "About poetry class." 

"OK." Finn pulled out his wallet and dropped several bills down on the counter. 

Will picked one up and handed it back to him. "The coffee's on me, remember?" 

Finn smiled, taking the dollar back. "Yeah, that townie pride. See ya later, Will." 

"Thanks, Finn. Bye, Mrs. Fleming." 

Finn slipped his coat back on and opened the door for Kate. He followed her back out into the cold night. 

"How was dinner with Will?" she asked. 

"Good. We hadn't caught up for a while." 

"You're so lucky. You don't have students, you have disciples. I wish my students cared that much. I can't remember the last time I had dinner with one of them." 

"You have dinner with a student every night, Kate. Doesn't that make you the lucky one?" 

"But we don't talk about art, not like we used to. And he won't even let me talk about photography anymore, because he's convinced he knows more about it than I do." 

"Well, teenagers..." 

"And I don't have dinner with Hamilton that often anymore. I knew things would be different once he enrolled, but... It's more different than I was prepared for." 

"But he's happy. That's what matters, right?" 

"Yes. That's what matters." 

Of course, Finn knew better than Kate just why her son was happier now. She didn't know Finn's exact role in Hamilton's newfound happiness, but she did know that he had helped, and it had strengthened the bond between them. It was part of a pact they'd made early that past spring... 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

It was an unusually warm day in early March as Finn and Kate walked down the hill toward the lake. 

"So, which of the Bard's masterpieces are you doing this week?" she asked him. 

"Alas, there comes that painful moment each semester when we must begrudgingly move on past Shakespeare. Right now we're doing _Mort d'Arthur_." 

"Malory or Tennyson?" 

Finn looked sideways at her. "Are you trying to turn me on?" 

"Oh, shut up. You think I don't know my Arthurian legend?" 

"That's right, I forgot that poetry was your specialty. You know, we should teach a class together." 

"Really? You think I could teach poetry?" 

"I think you can do anything you want." He smiled slyly. "But first you have to learn that Tennyson's work on Arthur is called _Idylls of the King._" 

Kate looked daggers at him. "I only asked because Malory is 15th century, so you should've finished that before starting Shakespeare." 

"Chronological order is such a limited view of the world." 

Kate opened her mouth to respond, but she stopped as a faraway voice called, "Hey, Fleming!" 

They looked around and spotted a couple of boys heading toward the edge of the woods, where Hamilton stood with his camera, taking pictures of the nascent buds on the trees. Finn recognized the boys as two obnoxious freshmen, Alex and Jeremy. They approached Hamilton, and the three exchanged words that Finn couldn't hear. Then Alex grabbed Hamilton's camera away. Ham tried to grab it back, but Alex was taller than he was and held it up over his head. 

Kate immediately started off down the hill toward them. 

"Kate, don't!" Finn yelled, running after her and laying his hand on her shoulder. 

She stopped and stared at him in disbelief. "What, I'm supposed to let them steal his camera?" 

"They're not stealing it. They know how much trouble they'd get into for that." 

Alex and Jeremy started tossing the camera back and forth over Hamilton's head. He tried several times to grab it, yelling, "Stop! You're going to break it!" 

Kate started down the hill again, and again Finn stopped her. "Kate, don't get involved. You'll just make it worse. He has to fight his own battles." 

"Why do they always pick on him?" 

"Because they're cowards, and he's smaller than they are. Plus, it's their way of thumbing their noses at the Dean. They think it's cool." 

Kate shook her head in disbelief. They watched as Hamilton got tired of jumping up in the air and instead lunged at Jeremy as he caught the camera. Jeremy deftly moved aside, and Hamilton tripped forward and hit the ground. The boys doubled over laughing, and several other kids looked over and saw Hamilton picking himself up off the ground. 

That was the last straw. Kate took off running before Finn could stop her. 

"What are you doing with that camera?!" she yelled at Jeremy as she ran up to them. 

Jeremy looked over at her and stopped laughing. He looked down at the camera he was holding, shrugged, and explained innocently, "We were just looking at it." 

"Is that so?" she asked, turning her glare to Alex. 

"Yes, Mrs. Fleming," he replied. "We're thinking of taking up photography... because it's so cool." Jeremy snickered at this, and Alex struggled to keep a straight face. 

Kate turned to Hamilton, who was staring at the ground as if hoping to find the spot that would open up and swallow him. She reached out to touch his arm and asked, "Munchie, are you OK?" 

Hamilton flinched, and Alex and Jeremy burst out laughing, as did a few of the onlookers who had gathered around to see if anyone was getting in trouble. Finn looked at Kate, but she didn't seem to understand what was so funny. 

A girl in the crowd cooed, "Yeah, Munchie, did you get an owie?" 

"You kids stay out of this," Kate snapped, motioning for the onlookers to get lost. The crowd dispersed. 

Finn tried to diffuse the situation by quietly taking the camera away from Jeremy, but Kate stopped him. 

"Give that back to Hamilton," she barked at the boy. 

"Yes, ma'am." Jeremy handed the camera to its owner, who looked like he was receiving the plague. Hamilton continued to stare at the ground, his face red with anger and embarrassment. 

Kate glared at the two boys as if deciding whether to give them a piece of her mind, but she refrained. "Now get out of here before I decide to tell the Dean about this." 

The boys looked at Hamilton and raised their eyebrows in mock fear, then walked away. 

"Grow up, guys," Finn called after them. 

Kate turned back to Hamilton. "Munchie, those boys are just immature. I'm sorry they --" 

"Don't... talk... to me," Hamilton sputtered. He was seething. The red in his face had spread to his ears. 

"Sweetie, don't be upset at me. I just wanted to help." 

"Help?!" he yelled, finally looking up at her. "You think I want my mommy coming to defend me against these guys? God!! You are so... clueless!!" He backed away as he spoke, then turned and ran off. 

"Hamilton!" Kate started after him, but Finn grabbed her arm. 

"Let him go," Finn insisted. 

"But --" 

"Come on. Let's continue our walk." Finn cocked his head toward the woods, and she followed him reluctantly, silent as she tried to sort out her thoughts. 

"Don't worry, Kate. He'll calm down." 

"I know, but... I worry about him starting school. He's going to have to be in classes with these guys. I don't know if he's ready. And he's so much smaller than the other boys..." 

"He's just scrawny. He needs to work out." 

"He's 15. Isn't he a little young to be pumping iron?" 

"You know, I'm coaching junior varsity crew this summer. He could join. Rowing really helps build your upper body." 

"You think he could do that? Those boys are huge." 

"We've got four months to get him in shape. I can talk to one of the phys ed teachers about putting him on a training program. He should run every day, hit the gym -- rowing machines, weights -- and I can start taking him out in a scull." 

"You'd do that for me? I mean, for him?" 

"Of course I would. I don't like seeing either of you unhappy. But this might require some sacrifice on your part." 

"What?" 

"You need protein to build muscle. He should have a chicken breast every day in addition to his regular meals. And I don't mean Kentucky Fried Chicken. So..." Finn squinted at her and furrowed his brow. "This might require you to cook." 

The seriousness melted off his face, and he gave her a crooked smile. 

She laughed and gave him a little shove. "I'll give him chicken if that will help, but do you think he can really get bigger?" 

"Your Munchie will be a muscle man in no time." 

She laughed, her anxiety easing. She looked sideways at Finn, her eyes meeting his broad shoulders. "So is that how you got so big? Chicken breasts?" 

"What, you like my physique?" He stopped walking and bulged a bicep for her. She playfully squeezed it. 

"My my," she laughed. "Well, you certainly got tall. You weren't this tall in college, were you?" 

"Yeah, I was. But I didn't look as tall, because I wasn't surrounded by 15-year-old boys." 

"But you weren't this built." 

"You think?" 

"If you'd been this built in college, I wouldn't have..." 

"Wouldn't have what?" 

"Nevermind. I was just kidding." 

"Well, now that you've given me body insecurities..." 

"Oh, come on, you know you've got a nice bod." 

"But you like me for my mind, right?" 

"Yeah, sure," she said teasingly, "I like you for your-- I mean, I _liked_ you for your..." Her voice trailed off. Finn saw how uncomfortable she was suddenly, so he gave her an out by lightening the mood. 

"Muscles. You can say it, Kate. You just liked me for my muscles. That was the one thing I had that the puny Harvard guys didn't have." 

"You had a lot of things the other Harvard guys didn't have, although the muscles didn't hurt." She laid a hand on his chest, tracing a pectoral that was outlined by his shirt. She didn't seem to want an out. 

Finn looked around, making sure that they were surrounded by enough trees to obscure them from view. "Yeah," he said, not sure what she was doing, "I had that whole wrong-side-of-the-tracks thing. Great for pissing off a rich girl's parents." 

"You think that's why I went out with you? To upset my parents? Would've been a stupid plan on my part, since my parents never noticed whom I was dating until the day I called and told them I was married." 

At the word 'married' she flinched slightly, and she took her hand off of Finn's chest. A shadow passed over her eyes as she turned inward, pensive. He wondered, as he always wondered, if she regretted her sudden elopement. 

"It's funny that we never talk about it," Finn said. 

"Talk about what?" 

"Us." 

There was a short pause. "Oh, of course." 

"I've been here for three years, and we've never talked about it." 

Kate sighed. "Well, it was a long time ago." 

Finn squinted up at the sunlight drizzling through the canopy of trees. "Funny, it doesn't seem so long ago to me." 

"I guess there's not much to talk about." 

Finn nodded, but he was thinking about so many things he wanted to talk to her about. He knew they were things that he shouldn't bring up, since she was married now. He'd had over 15 years to accept that fact. 

And he did accept it. And he accepted that they didn't talk about it. 

That's why he was so surprised when she reached up and took his chin in her hand, looked at him searchingly, deeply, and said, "I'm sorry if I hurt you. But you hurt me, too." 

He was startled for a moment and said nothing, then so much emotion boiled up within him he thought he would choke. "I'm sorry, too," he said finally. "I'd give anything not to have been such an idiot." 

"Really? You wish things were different?" 

He hesitated, but as he looked in her eyes, the honesty was too much for him to hold inside. "Yes, sometimes I do. The question is... do you?" 

She answered him with a kiss, and 15 years of suppressed desire came pouring out as he returned it. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

"It's frustrating," Kate said quietly as they stood at the small counter of the Chinese restaurant, waiting for her dinner. "I never thought of myself as the homophobic sort. But it's different when it's your own child." 

"You don't know that he's gay," Finn said. 

Kate shot him a look, as did the young Chinese woman behind the counter. "I'm not blind, Finn. I know something's going on. And maybe Hamilton doesn't really know himself. He's too young to be making these kinds of decisions." 

"If he's old enough to fall in love..." 

Kate looked up at him, startled. "Is he in love?" 

Finn realized he'd said too much. "I don't know. But for whatever reason, he's obviously willing to let people believe that he's gay, and that says something, doesn't it? You know how much he wanted to be accepted by the other guys." 

Kate shook her head. "I wish he could talk to me about it. I don't like being shut out." 

"I know. I saw how you reacted on Christmas Eve." 

Kate looked down. "I'm sorry that I was so horrible to you that night. I wasn't exactly in the Christmas spirit, was I?" 

"No, but I just figured you woke up the next morning and bought Bob Cratchit a turkey." 

She smiled up at him. The girl behind the counter handed her a bag. 

Even though Finn had just eaten a hamburger, the smell of egg rolls fresh from the deep fryer made his mouth water. "Maybe we should stay here," he said. "I could help you eat that." 

"I don't think so. You were the one who suggested take-out. Come on, I'll give you a ride home." 

They stepped back out into the night air that had grown even colder in the twenty minutes they'd been inside. They walked two blocks back to Kate's car, Finn making sure they stayed on the opposite side of the street from Friendly's. 

Kate handed the food to Finn and started the car. The New Rawley streets were clear and dry, but as they neared the campus, snow covered the ground. 

"Do you know why I was so upset at Christmas?" Kate asked, staring straight ahead at the road. 

"Something else about Hamilton?" 

"I mean, besides Hamilton. Upset at you." 

"You said I shouldn't be there, that it was a sacred time." 

"It was guilt, Finn. I realized that I was the one who violated the sanctity of my home. I was the one who broke my wedding vows. I had no right to blame that on you." 

"It was as much my fault as yours." 

"But I was angry at myself, more so than at you." 

"Could've fooled me." 

"I wanted to fool you, because I wanted you to get angry. I wanted to push you away." 

"Why?" 

"Why do you think?" She took her eyes off the road and looked at him, as if he should know. 

"Because you're afraid of getting too close?" 

"Yes." 

"Because deep down, you want to get too close?" 

Kate threw her foot on the brake, throwing them both forward in their seats. She pulled the car over to the curb and stopped. 

"You know," Finn said, rubbing his neck, "you really should signal when you do that." He tried to act casual, but he realized that he had probably crossed the line. Holding his breath, he waited for the force of her wrath to hit. Her silence frightened him more than anything she could have said. 

"Kate, I'm sorry if I --" 

"I didn't want to tell you this, Finn," she cut him off, staring down at the steering wheel. "But I realized it last summer, and it won't go away, no matter what I do." 

"What?" 

Kate paused, took a deep breath, and exhaled. She looked at him and said, "I'm still in love with you." 

Finn blinked and shook his head, thinking that he must be dreaming. He stared at her without responding. 

She continued, "And I felt that since we've always been friends, and then for the last few months we haven't been, I felt that I need to tell you why. Your friendship still means a lot to me." 

Now Finn was confused. "So you're telling me that you're in love with me because you value my friendship?" 

Kate nodded. "I'm not saying that I want us to be together like we were last summer." 

"Are you saying that you _don't_ want us to be together?" 

She didn't have an answer for that one -- at least, not an answer she would say. 

"Kate, tell me. Please. I'm not asking for anything right now. I just want to know - do we have a chance?" 

Still she remained silent, and Finn knew there was only one way to get the answer. He unbuckled his seatbelt and shifted in his seat to face her. She turned to him, and he reached out one tentative hand to touch her face. Then he leaned forward to kiss her. 

"Don't!" she cried, turning away at the last possible second. Finn exhaled and turned to bang his head on the dashboard. 

"I don't want to make out with you in a car," she said. "Besides, my food is getting cold." 

He sat back up and looked at her hopefully. "So let's go back to your house." 

"Hamilton might be there." 

"He won't be." 

"How do you know?" 

"Let's go to my place." 

"No, I've got to think about this. I need some time." 

"Kate --" 

"Please, Finn. Give me some time." 

**End of Part 2**


	3. 

Backstory, Part 3 

Title: Backstory, Part 3 of 6 

Author: Depudor 

Email: depudor@hotmail.com 

Category: Finn/Other 

Rating: R 

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Steven Antin and Columbia/Tristar Television. No infringement intended. 

Summary: This is a Finn/Kate fic that is a quasi-sequel to 'The Best Christmas Ever' and begins one month after the events in that story. The main storyline is interspersed with flashback/backstory scenes that start with the episode Kiss & Tell and then go backwards in time from there. So the flashbacks are in reverse order, with the earliest flashback coming last. Make sense? Hopefully it will. 

Notes: The song "Breakin' Me" by Johnny Lang is somewhat key to this story, but it's from the show, so if you've got tapes you don't need to download anything off of Napster (although you should, because it's a great song). Just check out the first Kate/Finn scene in Kiss & Tell, the kissing scene that's interrupted by Ryder. The other song is "Suzanne" by Leonard Cohen -- the music is not important to the story, but it's a brilliant and beautiful song. And when I checked the lyrics on the Web, the site said "Related Artists: Nick Drake." So there you go. A YA connection and I didn't even know it. 

Thanks: To Debi for her laborious hours spent helping me fine-tune this, to Sue and wonka for their input, and with a special dedication and much love to all you teachers out there! 

Feedback: Always appreciated. Thank you! __________________________________________________________________________________ 

The next morning, Hamilton and Jake walked up to Finn's desk after class. They chatted casually until the last of the other students cleared out, and then Hamilton said in a hushed voice, "Finn, thanks for getting my mom out of there last night." 

"Yeah, thanks," Jake added. 

Finn looked from one to the other carefully. "Hamilton, have you thought about telling your mother the truth?" 

"About Jake?" Hamilton furrowed his brow and looked at his girlfriend. She looked nervously at Finn. 

"Yeah, about Jake." 

"Why would I do that?" 

"Because you and your mother have always been so close, and now there's something really important in your life that you're not sharing with her." 

Hamilton shrugged. "But if I tell her, she'll have to tell my dad." 

"I don't think she will. You don't give your mother enough credit. She's a pretty open-minded person." 

"But she doesn't keep secrets from my dad." 

"Well, um, in this case she might. I think she'd be sympathetic to Jake's situation. Your mother was kind of a rebel in college, had some problems with her own parents. She might just understand." 

Hamilton looked at Jake for a long moment, then looked back at Finn and shook his head. "I don't want to take the chance. But I'll think about what you said, Finn." He took Jake's hand and squeezed it. They walked hand-in-hand to the doorway, then stepped away from each other as they walked out into the hall. 

- 

That afternoon, after his last class, Finn made his way back to his dormitory apartment. 

"Finn..." 

He stopped in front of his door and turned as he heard Kate's voice. He was relieved to see her. And nervous. And excited. He hadn't thought she'd be ready to talk this soon. 

"Hi," he said as he slid his key into the lock. 

"Do you have a minute?" 

"Just a minute?" 

She smiled. "Maybe a bit more. I have a lot I want to... say." 

Finn opened his door, and Kate stepped in ahead of him. 

"Finn!" another voice called. He turned to see Will jogging toward him down the hall. 

"Mr. Krudski, I'm kind of in the middle of..." 

Will stopped in front of the door and looked at Kate. 

"Hi, Will," she said nervously. She cast her eyes at the floor. 

Will looked back at Finn. Something registered in his eyes as he saw his mentor with the Dean's wife again. Finn knew what it was. Will looked crestfallen. 

"What can I do for you?" Finn asked. 

"I... I have a first draft of my story. I wanted you to look at it." Will looked down sheepishly at the pages he clutched in his hands. 

"I'll give it a look," Finn replied. "And talk to you later." He took the pages. 

"You know what?" Kate said, stepping back out into the hallway. "I have to get on home and start dinner. Finn, you and I can talk tomorrow." 

Finn closed his eyes and held back a frustrated sigh. "OK." 

She smiled at Will and took off down the hallway like her skirt was on fire. 

Finn looked at his young disciple. "OK, Will, why don't you come on in?" 

They went into the apartment, and Finn set the story down on his desk as Will closed the door. 

"So that's what's going on?" said Will. "I thought you said that was over." 

"What?" 

Will rolled his eyes. "You know. You're still after Hamilton's mother." 

"Kate and I are very good friends." 

"I wish I had more friends like that." 

Finn crossed his arms. "I don't like the tone you're taking with me. We may be friends, Will, but I'm still your teacher." 

"I don't know what to say, Finn. You know how much I respect you, but... Hamilton... I don't want him to get hurt." 

"I don't either. He's a friend of mine, too." 

"Is this how you treat your friends? By sleeping with their mothers?" 

"This is complicated." 

"It's not complicated. It's wrong." 

"Ah, the innocence of youth. So easy to see things clearly, in black and white, isn't it? Enjoy that while you've got it." 

"I hope I never lose the ability to tell right from wrong." 

"Women will do that to you. And I've had a lot of relationships, so I know a good deal more about this subject matter than you do." 

"So if you're such an expert on women, why can't you find one who isn't married? I thought you and Ms. Wood had something going on." 

"That didn't work out." 

"Why not?" 

"You don't just pick someone to fall in love with, Will. You can't make it happen, and when it does, you can't make it go away. And once you get inside, the lights shut off, and you can't find your way out." 

"So you just give up and go with it, no matter who gets hurt? You just stop thinking?" 

"That's what love does, Will. It makes you stupid. It makes you weak. Love makes you frozen in place, so that even when you realize that you can't get the girl, you just can't make yourself move on, find a new job, leave. You're rooted to the spot where she is." 

"That's what you say now, but you still have choices! You always tell me that, that I don't have to let life happen to me, that I can make it happen." 

Finn sighed in frustration, trying not to get too defensive. "You don't understand." 

"Then explain it to me!" 

"If I could explain it..." Finn looked over at the crumpled pages on his desk. His gaze traveled around the room at the books that lined the numerous shelves and then landed on a copy of D.H. Lawrence's _Sons and Lovers_. He squinted as his eyes rested again on his student. 

"So, what are you in it for, Will?" 

"What?" 

"Why do you read? Why do you write?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"Is this just about getting an education, improving yourself? Because don't worry, you'll do that. You'll know all the important authors, read all the right books. You'll bury your townie roots. You'll learn all the big words, ace the SATs and get into a top college. If that's what you're looking for." He pointed at his bookshelves. "But that's not what these books are here for. Ultimately, the purpose of reading great literature is to understand humanity, as best we can try, to open up and explore the human heart and its unfathomable capacity for love -- love beyond practicality or rationality, beyond any notion of right and wrong, even to the point of self-destruction." He paused to catch his breath, glaring at Will, who stared defiantly back at him. "So when you're done here at Rawley, after all the reading, after all the studying, all the term papers, and all the tests, if you can tell me why I'm still after Hamilton's mother, then you get yourself a big A in English, Mr. Krudski." 

Will didn't say a word. He just walked over to Finn's desk and grabbed his story. Then he walked out and slammed the door behind him. 

Finn breathed another frustrated sigh and ran his hands over his head, but he knew that one day Will would be old enough to understand that love is not to be looked for and found. Love finds you, and once found, you never really get away... 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

"It's supposed to be about the students," Finn vented as he sipped his Dos Equis. "No one gets that." 

They sat in their favorite booth at El Compadre, a great place to unwind after work until the mariachi band got too loud. Thalia threw back a margarita and licked the salt off the glass. 

"Not really, not if you look at the way universities developed," she countered. She sucked on the lime and motioned to the waiter to bring another round. "Look at Oxford in the 15th century. Scholarship was a profession. Everyone who went there became a professor. They all sat around and talked about ideas. It wasn't about teaching, this objective dichotomy of teacher and student. It was a meeting of the minds. Teaching was what you did in grammar school, with children." 

Finn folded his hands and rested his chin on them. "One of these days, Thal, you're going to just nod and say, 'You're right, Finn,' and then I'm going to fall over and die of shock." 

She wrinkled her long nose at him. "Don't count on it." 

He knew it would never happen. He'd been with her long enough to know. But he loved that she challenged him. He loved a lot of things about her -- he just wasn't in love with her. She was tough, smart, fun-loving, and beautiful, with amazing breasts for a woman so thin. It was her Greek heritage, she'd told him once -- Greek women were just built that way, thin with big boobs. Finn started to wish he'd majored in Classics rather than English. 

The English department at Colgate University was a tight-knit circle, and Thalia and Finn were its center, everyone's favorite couple, top grad students who would be welcome additions to the faculty. She was always the life of the party -- "I can think with the best of 'em, and drink with the rest of 'em," she liked to say. 

They loved all the same things -- travel, the outdoors, exotic food and good wine. Their trip to Africa was possibly the most exhilarating time of his life. But their personalities clashed at times. He was a romantic at heart and tended toward the sentimental; she had a low tolerance for "sappy emotional bullshit." As Finn entered his late twenties, he found that he liked them to spend more quiet evenings at home, reading to each other from their favorite books. But she still wanted to go out every night. They'd fight over it, make up, have sex, and go to sleep thinking everything was OK. But Finn's dreams found him swimming upstream against sharks and icebergs, and he didn't need a degree in psychology to figure out what that meant. 

He thought he loved her. He was pretty sure that he did, early on. That got him through the first year -- that and the phenomenal sex. But in the second year, they fell into a rut, both too busy with their careers to find the energy to air the tough questions. Finally, Thalia laid it on the table, and Finn's tepid responses convinced her that the best option was to break up. So they did. But eventually Finn missed the phenomenal sex. He sampled it again, and it was even better than when they were going out. Break-up sex turned into reconciliation sex, and somehow they were back together. It was more serious now, or at least, it must have been more serious, because now they were living together, and Finn couldn't remember whose idea that was. Year four rolled around, and their friends started getting married. Finn thought this was something they should talk about, but Thalia laughed and said she was only 26 and wouldn't even think about that stuff before she got her Ph.D. 

And tonight, as he stared across the table into her dark brown eyes, he knew he had to tell her. 

"I can't stay," he said flatly. Her eyes flashed with surprise, but she was silent and let him continue. "I've finished my dissertation, I've proven myself at teaching. If they're not going to give me Associate this year, I have no reason to sit around here waiting." 

"No reason?" 

He gave her a half-smile. "You know what I mean." 

"Do you have another offer?" 

He shook his head slowly, staring off across the room over her dark-maned head. "I'm not sure it's what I'm looking for." 

"What do you mean?" 

The neck of his beer bottle hovered right below his lips as he said casually, "I think I might go teach high school." 

The waiter walked by again. Thalia grabbed his wrist and stopped him. "Honey, where's that drink?" 

"Sorry, I'll be right back." He hurried away. 

She turned back to Finn. "You could teach high school here, if that's what you want to do," she said, eyeing him carefully. 

"At a public school? Thanks, but I'm not interested in glorified baby-sitting. I want to have students who are there to learn." 

"Ah... prep school." She was very calm, even though she had to know he was breaking up with her. She would never let him see the fear. He figured that was probably her German half. 

She met his eyes and asked, "Where do you think you'd go?" 

"I don't know. I'm looking at Choate, Milton." 

"Rawley?" 

He shook his head. "Nah, I'm not ready to go home yet. Maybe someday..." 

"Milton as a stepping stone to Rawley?" 

"I don't know. Why do you assume I want to go to Rawley?" 

"Because you're talking about throwing away your career. And because this is the first time I've ever heard you mention teaching prep school, and it sounds like you've already made up your mind. So I figured there must be more to it." 

"I've always said that I want to teach in a place where the emphasis is on teaching. I don't know if I can find that at the university level." 

The waiter returned and set down her drink. "Here ya go. Margarita, straight up. Extra lime." 

Thalia smiled graciously but didn't respond. She was looking at Finn. The waiter went away, and she took a slow sip of the drink. Then another. Then she spoke. 

"So... Kate's at Rawley now, isn't she?" 

"Yeah. Her husband's about to become the Dean." Finn said this conversationally but then realized he'd walked into a trap. He swallowed. "Why?" 

Thalia sighed. She downed the rest of her margarita, sucked on the lime and dropped it in the empty glass. "Can I just say one thing?" 

"What?" 

She pointed a finger at him. "You're an idiot, Finn. You're going to get hurt." 

"Thank you. I'll keep that in mind." 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

After Will left, Finn paced around his apartment for half an hour. He went to the fridge and grabbed a beer, then sat down on the couch and tried to watch TV. But he couldn't get his mind off of Kate. He couldn't stop wondering what it was she wanted to tell him. He found himself staring at the telephone. 

He went back to the kitchen and popped a frozen dinner in the microwave. He stood there for three minutes watching the seconds count down. Back on the couch he picked up the remote and flipped channels, stopping to watch as three game show contestants failed to name the artist who painted 'The Garden of Earthly Delights.' 

"Bosch!" he yelled at the television. Kate loved Bosch. She said his paintings told a story of virtue and vice. 

Finn looked at the phone again. Finally he picked it up and dialed. 

"Hello?" a male voice answered. 

"Hamilton, it's Finn. Is your mother around?" 

"Um... no." 

"Oh. Do you know where she is?" 

There was a long pause, and then Hamilton asked quietly, "Are you going to tell her?" 

"Tell her what?" 

"About... you know..." 

Suddenly Finn remembered their conversation that morning. "No, no. This has nothing to do with Jake. I need to talk to your mom about our poetry class." 

"Oh, thank God," Hamilton sighed. Then he yelled, "Mom! It's for you!" 

Finn heard a click as Kate picked up another phone. "I got it, Munchie," she said. 

"Bye, Finn," Hamilton said, his words punctuated by another click. 

"Hi," said Kate. 

"I'm sorry to call you at home." 

"It's OK. But I don't want to do this over the phone." 

"Do what?" 

****

End of Part 3 


	4. 

Backstory, Part 4 

Title: Backstory, Part 4 of 6 

Author: Depudor 

Email: depudor@hotmail.com 

Category: Finn/Other 

Rating: R 

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Steven Antin and Columbia/Tristar Television. No infringement intended. 

Summary: This is a Finn/Kate fic that is a quasi-sequel to 'The Best Christmas Ever' and begins one month after the events in that story. The main storyline is interspersed with flashback/backstory scenes that start with the episode Kiss & Tell and then go backwards in time from there. So the flashbacks are in reverse order, with the earliest flashback coming last. Make sense? Hopefully it will. 

Notes: The song "Breakin' Me" by Johnny Lang is somewhat key to this story, but it's from the show, so if you've got tapes you don't need to download anything off of Napster (although you should, because it's a great song). Just check out the first Kate/Finn scene in Kiss & Tell, the kissing scene that's interrupted by Ryder. The other song is "Suzanne" by Leonard Cohen -- the music is not important to the story, but it's a brilliant and beautiful song. And when I checked the lyrics on the Web, the site said "Related Artists: Nick Drake." So there you go. A YA connection and I didn't even know it. 

Thanks: To Debi for her laborious hours spent helping me fine-tune this, to Sue and wonka for their input, and with a special dedication and much love to all you teachers out there! 

Feedback: Always appreciated. Thank you! 

________________________________________________________________________________ 

Fifteen minutes later, Kate walked into his apartment. She took off her coat. Finn thought that was a good sign. 

"I'm worried about this," she said. 

"Really? Because it's been so stress-free for me." 

She shot him a look. 

"Sorry," he mumbled. 

"We have to think about this, Finn. We've been down this road before, and it goes nowhere." 

"I know." But just the thought of getting back on that road was enough right now. He stepped closer to her, leaning toward her without even realizing it. 

"So we have to be careful. So neither one of us gets hurt." 

"So we'll be careful," he assured her. He couldn't believe it. Could she really be saying...? 

"We should take it slowly." She looked up at him. 

"Yeah." 

They grabbed each other simultaneously. She grasped his shirt and then reached around him, clawing his back with her fingernails as she pressed against him. Finn leaned down to find her mouth already open, searching for his. Soon their tongues were groping as furiously as their hands. Finn wanted her even closer; he slid his hands around her thighs and pulled her up. Hiking up her skirt, she wrapped her legs around his waist, making him moan as she thrust her pelvis against his and ran her hands up his neck to his hair. 

Finn carried her like that to his bedroom, blindly groping his way, not bothering to turn on the light. They fell on the bed as one. He was on top, but they rolled over, and then over again. She began unbuttoning his shirt as he attempted to do the same to hers, but he fumbled with the buttons and then just ripped her blouse open unconsciously. 

"Sorry," he mumbled. 

"It's OK," she panted, her breath hot against his face as she reached up to kiss him again. "I've got a coat to wear home." 

He pushed the blouse apart and smiled to see that she wore a front-clasping bra. She smiled back and gave him a wink. It drove him wild to know that she was ready for this, that she wanted it as much as he did. 

He unhooked her bra and put his face to her chest, then kissed up to her neck, her chin, her lips. He never forgot the feel of her body, her smell. He pulled his mouth away from hers and hovered above her, drinking her with his eyes by the light of the moon through the window. It had been more than six months since the last time he'd been this close to her... and more than 17 years since the first time. She was 36 now, and her shape had changed with childbirth and age. She had fuller curves, not a girl's body but a woman's, supple and soft, emanating an even deeper desire. 

He unzipped her skirt to get the full view of those curves. The broad space of stomach between her hips was like a smile. Finn placed his tongue there and licked over her belly-button, up her body to the space between her breasts. The taste of her skin was the same as always, earthy and sweet. 

She arched her back and moaned softly. His long hair tickled over her nipples and she grabbed his locks and twisted them around her fingers, holding his head in place over her breasts as he took a protruding nipple in his mouth. His hands crawled up her sides to work on one breast while his tongue caressed the other. 

When they made love it was the one time he got no resistance from her. To a kiss she might say no. After a kiss, the guilt might pull her away. But once the clothes came off, she made a commitment to what she was doing, and all hesitation was swallowed up by passion and lust. 

Or perhaps it wasn't lust but, as Finn was learning, love. 

He didn't know why Kate cheated on her husband. He'd never asked her why. He did know that her only time was with him, but he never knew if that was because she had to have _him_, or because she had to have someone who wasn't Steven. Finn knew that she wasn't really happy in her marriage, but she wasn't really unhappy either. So perhaps it was what he hoped, that she just couldn't fight her feelings for him. 

As they lay wrapped in each other's arms afterwards, naked and exhausted, Finn realized that Kate was just as curious about his feelings for her. 

"I have a question for you," she said, her breathing finally slowing. 

"What?" 

"When you came back here, to Rawley, was it because of me?" 

"Hmm... Good question." 

Finn had convinced himself he hadn't come here for her. He'd had a lot of reasons -- his desire to teach, to find his roots again, and perhaps to find that townie kid like himself who was looking to exceed expectations. And he could write... New Rawley was a country town, with a slower pace than the urban academy where he'd taught after leaving grad school. It afforded him the time and space he needed for quiet reflection. 

So he had numerous reasons, both professional and personal, for transferring to Rawley after three years teaching at Clifford-Brice. But he knew enough of semantics to recognize the difference between reasons and excuses. 

He'd grown up in New Rawley, but it felt long ago, like a different world from Harvard and Colgate and everywhere he'd been since. He'd gone back to visit occasionally over the years, but after his parents had moved away, his bond to the place loosened completely. Until one day life presented him with a strange twist of fate, and suddenly going back felt like going home... 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Finn was having one of those days when he wished he'd gone to Wesleyan for grad school rather than Colgate. He'd been there for six years, working on his dissertation and his novel. He also assisted in teaching as many classes as possible in order to pay the bills, and for once being poor had paid off. The students loved him. He was now about to become an Associate Professor - or so he'd been led to believe. 

"That promotion should have been mine," Finn insisted. 

His buddy Meyers sat down on the edge of Finn's desk and got in his face, as he had a tendency to do. "Lipstein's got two PhD's and he's been published in four journals. His stuff on Joyce is going to be in the textbooks in a few years." 

"His lectures put people to sleep." 

"Doesn't matter. Publish or perish, you know the spiel. If you spent more time working on your book and less time mentoring students, maybe you'd be making some progress toward a professorship." 

"Silly me, I thought we were supposed to care about the students." 

"This isn't a community college. This is a cut-throat game, Finn. If you want to be anybody at university level, you need to make a name for yourself where it counts - on paper." Meyers emphasized his point by jamming his finger down on the papers on Finn's desk. He sighed, knowing what he had to say. "Maybe you're not cut out for academics. If you want to mentor kids, go teach high school." 

He waited for a response from Finn but didn't get one, so he stood up and walked out. 

Finn was left only a moment to dwell on his thoughts before the phone rang. Maybe it's Thalia, he thought - he hoped - as he grabbed the phone. She knew how to make him feel better. She'd want to go out and get drunk. 

"Finn," he answered. 

It was a woman's voice that replied, but not his girlfriend's. "Hey, stranger." 

"Kate! Hey! It's been..." 

"Two years, I know. And I hate myself for it, but I've been so busy..." 

"I understand. How are you?" 

"Great. I'm finishing up my MFA, doing some teaching, and I've got a show in a local gallery." 

"A gallery? Hey, good for you." 

"Well, it's nothing fancy. But they've got a few paintings that aren't on velvet." 

Finn smiled. "And Steven?" 

"He got a promotion -- well, actually, two promotions since you and I last talked. He's practically running the place now. So, naturally, he's had invitations from other schools for administrative positions." 

"But he won't leave Andover?" 

"He _is_ leaving Andover. We're leaving Andover. That's why I called." 

"Where are you going?" 

She waited a moment. "Are you ready for this?" 

"What?" 

"We're going to Rawley." 

"You're kidding me. You're moving to my home town?" 

"Yeah, it's a great school. A lot smaller than Andover -- it's only a three-year program, so it should be a nice change of pace. They offered him Head Fellow, which is one step away from Dean. And since the current Dean is probably going to retire in a couple years..." 

"Wow, that's quite an opportunity. Tell him congratulations for me. I always knew he'd get to the top." 

"Yeah, he's a hard worker." 

"Well, I can testify that slacker doesn't pay." 

"Finn, you're not a slacker." 

"Yeah, tell that to my boss. So how's Hamilton?" 

"Oh, Finn, you should see him! He's such a sweet kid." 

"I do see him. You put six pictures in with your Christmas card. Everywhere I turn I find one." 

He could envision her guilty grin as she replied, "Well, what can I say? I'm a proud mom." 

Finn flipped his wallet open, and a bright-eyed child's face grinned up at him. "He looks so much like you." 

"He looks more like Steven." 

"But he's got your smile." 

"Hard to tell, I haven't seen much of it lately. He's been moping a lot. He's not so happy about the move, having to leave all his friends." 

"But what is he now, seven? I'm sure he'll adjust, make lots of new friends." 

"I know, or course. So how are you doing, Finn?" 

"Hmm... Teaching high school is sounding good right about now." 

"Seriously, it's something to think about. You'd be so good at it. You're great with teenagers. Remember when you were tutoring under-privileged kids in Boston? Trust me, tutoring over-privileged kids is much easier." 

"All I know is I would love to stop writing academic papers." 

"And start writing the great American novel?" 

"Ah, it's been started. It's been started several times." 

"Well, if you're serious about teaching school, there's a certain little academy in Massachusetts where I'm about to have some great connections." 

"I don't know if I'm ready to go back." 

"Think about it. When you're ready. I know Steven would love to have you with us." 

"And you?" 

"And I would love to have you with us. Reunited after eight years? It would certainly be interesting." 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Lying in his dark bedroom, Finn took a deep breath filled with the spring-like scent of Kate's hair. Her head was pillowed on his chest. They were quiet, listening to each other breathe, afraid to doze off lest they miss a moment of this time together. 

Kate rubbed her hand down his stomach. "Are you awake?" 

"Yeah." He kissed the top of her head, and she moved back to look up at him. 

"What time is it?" she asked. 

"Seven o'clock." 

"You're lying." 

"No I'm not." 

"What time is it really?" 

"Nine-thirty." 

Kate sat up quickly, the sheet falling to her waist, exposing her breasts to the moonlight and Finn's longing eyes. "I have to get home." 

"Stay." 

"I can't spend the night, Finn." 

"The Dean's out of town." 

"And where am I supposed to tell Hamilton I was all night?" 

"Your studio, if he notices." 

"I'm sorry. I have to go." She bent and kissed him softly, opening her eyes just as she lifted her lips from his. "I love you," she whispered. 

Finn closed his eyes and let that love wash over him. When he opened his eyes again, Kate was sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling her hosiery up her legs. 

"I didn't answer your question," he said. 

"Yeah, I thought you fell asleep." 

"I was just thinking." 

"And?" 

"And I think there were a lot of reasons why I came back here." 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." He sat up and touched her face. "Your eyes." He fingered a blonde tendril. "Your hair." He looked down. "These breasts, which are even better than I remember." 

She smiled. "You can thank Hamilton for that. He was an avid breast-feeder." 

Finn looked back up to her eyes. "But most of all, your mind," he continued. "And your love, which I should never have let go of." 

Kate bit her lip, and he thought he saw tears in her eyes. "That was so beautiful, Finn, I'm going to forgive that garishly dangling preposition." 

"Thank you." He kissed her. 

She returned the kiss, then gently placed her hands on his face and pushed him away. "I have to go." She stood up and quickly finished dressing. Picking up the ripped blouse off the floor, she walked back to the living room. Finn wrapped the sheet around himself and followed her, stopping in the bedroom doorway to watch her stuff the blouse in her purse and slip into her coat. 

She smiled at him. "Good night." She headed for the door. 

"I love you." 

"What?" She stopped and turned to stare at him, open-mouthed. He could tell by the look on her face that the words were much too long in coming. 

"I love you, Kate." 

"I -- I've never heard you say those words before." 

"I know... and I'm sorry." 

"Well... that changes things." 

"How?" 

She shook her head. "I have to go." 

"Kate --" 

"We'll talk tomorrow." 

She opened the door and was gone. 

**End of Part 4**


	5. 

Backstory, Part 5  Title: Backstory, Part 5 of 6 

Author: Depudor 

Email: depudor@hotmail.com 

Category: Finn/Other 

Rating: R 

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Steven Antin and Columbia/Tristar Television. No infringement intended. 

Summary: This is a Finn/Kate fic that is a quasi-sequel to 'The Best Christmas Ever' and begins one month after the events in that story. The main storyline is interspersed with flashback/backstory scenes that start with the episode Kiss & Tell and then go backwards in time from there. So the flashbacks are in reverse order, with the earliest flashback coming last. Make sense? Hopefully it will. 

Notes: The song "Breakin' Me" by Johnny Lang is somewhat key to this story, but it's from the show, so if you've got tapes you don't need to download anything off of Napster (although you should, because it's a great song). Just check out the first Kate/Finn scene in Kiss & Tell, the kissing scene that's interrupted by Ryder. The other song is "Suzanne" by Leonard Cohen -- the music is not important to the story, but it's a brilliant and beautiful song. And when I checked the lyrics on the Web, the site said "Related Artists: Nick Drake." So there you go. A YA connection and I didn't even know it. 

Thanks: To Debi for her laborious hours spent helping me fine-tune this, to Sue and wonka for their input, and with a special dedication and much love to all you teachers out there! 

Feedback: Always appreciated. Thank you! 

________________________________________________________________________________ 

The next day, Finn's classes passed like slow torture. He looked at the clock more often than his students did. During fourth period, Will was unusually quiet, leaving the other kids in his class dumfounded when they were called upon to participate in the discussion. No one had done the reading. 

Finn couldn't even wait for the clock to hit three-thirty. He let his last class go five minutes early. 

"Acts three and four for tomorrow," he called as they cleared out. "And be quiet in the hallway so you don't bother the other classes." 

He sat down and slumped at his desk, wondering if he should go to the art room or wait for Kate to come to him. During lunch he had looked for her in the dining hall and in the Lab, but he never found her. 

He must have dwelt on this for ten minutes, because when she appeared in front of him the clock read 3:35. 

"Do you want to go for a walk?" she asked. 

"Yeah, a walk sounds good." He grabbed his coat and followed her out into the snow-covered quad. 

"What are we doing?" he asked as they walked briskly through the crisp afternoon air. 

"I thought we'd head down toward the woods, where there's more privacy," she replied. 

"No, I meant, in general, big picture, what are we doing?" 

"Oh. I still don't know. Up until last night I hadn't really thought about it." 

"I thought you've been doing a lot of thinking." 

"I've been thinking about us, yes. And I've been thinking about my marriage. But I never really thought about... leaving." 

He looked sideways at her, trying to read the subtext in her face. "So, now you're thinking about it?" 

She looked around at the students passing by on their way to their afternoon activities. "Let's wait until we're in a more secluded spot." 

They made their way through the snow, past all the Rawley buildings and into the trees. The naked oaks and maples looked cold and dead without their leaves. 

Kate pulled her coat tighter under her chin as she looked up at Finn. "What happened last night made me think about a lot of things," she said. 

"Like what?" 

"Like the possibility that you and I could be together, as a couple. If that's something that you would want." 

"Of course that's what I want." 

"You've never said so before. We just had an affair. It was sexual; it was fun. And then it was over, and you didn't protest." 

"I didn't see any point. You made it pretty clear where your loyalties lay. But this was never just about sex." He stopped walking and turned to face her, resting his hands on her shoulders. "Kate, I love you. I don't know if I can go back to what we had last summer. I don't want this to be another fling. I don't think I could go through that again." 

"I can't go through that either. It was painful for me, too." 

"So what do we do? I know that your family means everything to you." 

"Not everything," she replied, touching his face softly. "But you're right, I would lose my family, lose Hamilton. If you and I were to be together, we couldn't stay here. We couldn't keep working here. And I don't think either one of us wants to go teach at Edmund High." 

"You're right about that part." 

"So we'd have to leave town." 

Finn nodded. "But Hamilton loves you. And even though he's getting more independent, he still needs you. I think if you left, he'd go with you." 

"I don't know. I'd like to think so, but... And even if he did want to, I wouldn't let him. This is his home. He has friends now, finally. He graduates in two years --" 

"You're right. You'd be giving him a choice no kid should have to face. And neither one of us wants Hamilton to get hurt." 

Kate looked up at him. "You didn't let me finish. I said that Hamilton graduates in two years." 

Finn looked carefully back at her. "Yes, he does." 

"In two years, he'll leave Rawley and begin a life on his own." She looked down and laughed softly. "He's grown up so much already, just this year." She looked back up at Finn. "I won't leave my son. But I can't stay with my husband much longer. Our marriage isn't honest anymore. Every night that I go home to him is like another lie." She took Finn's hands in her own and gazed at him lovingly. "I know now that I want to be with you. And I will... if you can wait two years. That's the best I can offer." 

Finn couldn't even find words to respond. He slipped his hands out of hers and threw his arms around her, lifting her up off the ground. He hugged her, then kissed her. When he finally was able to speak, he could barely keep his voice from shaking. "Oh, God, Kate, you have no idea how happy you just made me. I love you so much." Now that he had finally said it, he felt like he couldn't say it enough. 

"I love you, too," she whispered. 

Finn didn't know how long they stood in the cold and empty woods that night. He didn't ever want to go home, because from now on home could only be where she was. He ignored the wind; he ignored the encroaching darkness. He kept his arms tight around her and imagined that the spindly sinister branches that wove together overhead formed the canopy in his honeymoon suite. 

Of course he would wait. He'd waited 16 years for a second chance - he could wait another two. And even if she was still married, they were together. They had a future, not just a past. He loved her, and after all these years she finally knew that. 

That was all he needed to keep himself going. That was all he needed to get over the nightmare that had been that day in late May... 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Finn collapsed on his bed. He had pulled an all-nighter, cramming for the last exam of his sophomore year of college, and now he had to crash. But his thoughts just wouldn't let him sleep. This thing she had with Steven was getting serious, and simply hoping it would go away didn't seem to be working. Now she was staying in Cambridge for the summer, even though she had always gone home to see her parents and sisters for the month they spent in Connecticut before going to Europe. If staying with this guy was more important to her than the precious little time she was able to spend with her family, it had to be serious. 

Finn tossed and turned but had almost dozed off when he heard the knock at the door. "Go away!" he yelled. No doubt the guys had already procured a keg and wanted to party. 

"Finn, it's me," came her soft voice through the door. 

"Sorry, Kate, come in." He sat up as she entered. He was so bleary-eyed he couldn't tell for sure, but there seemed to be a look of anxiety on her face. 

"Was it that bad?" he asked. 

"What?" 

"Your final." 

She shook her head. "No, it was fine. Easy. I love that I can fulfill my science requirement with one little star-gazing class." She paused as Finn rubbed his eyes. "Did I wake you up?" 

"No, I was just unwinding. Have a seat." 

She was lingering by the door, obviously ill at ease. She walked toward him, but instead of sitting down on the end of his bed like she usually did, she pulled the chair out from his desk and sat on that. 

"What's the matter?" he asked. 

"Nothing. It's just..." 

"What?" 

"Is this a bad time?" 

It was such a strange question. They'd been best friends for two years, ever since he was a freshman and she was a sophomore and they'd met on the staff of Harvard's arts journal. And then there was the time when they were more than friends... So it seemed strangely formal that she would ask if it was a bad time. They could always talk to each other about anything, anytime, anywhere. 

"Are you OK?" Finn asked. 

She looked over at him quickly, as if she were afraid that he knew something he wasn't supposed to know. "I'm fine. I just want to talk to you about something." 

"Really? Because I'm getting the distinct impression that you don't want to talk about it." 

"It's about Steven." 

"Yeah...?" Finn leaned back against his pillows and crossed his arms, trying to act casual. 

"And it's hard to talk about him with you, because I know you don't like him." 

"What? Of course I like him. I just don't like the fact that he's ten years older than you are." 

"He's seven years older than I am." 

"Whatever. You know, I've been thinking about this. And I think you're only attracted to him because you're looking for a father figure." 

"Oh, God," she moaned, dropping her head into her hands. "I don't need this right now, Finn." 

"No, seriously, you never had a good relationship with your father. That's what we initially bonded over, remember?" 

"I thought we bonded over Balzac." 

"That, too. But I just think that if you go home this summer and spend some time with your dad-" 

"I'm not going home this summer. I told you that. And this has nothing to do with my father. Steven is a brilliant man, and compassionate..." 

"And dull." 

"Shut up!" Her face was no longer in her hands. She was no longer sitting in his chair. She was on her feet now, glaring at him. "He's exactly the kind of man I need to be with." 

"Why's that?" 

"Steven has ambitions, plans -- big plans. He doesn't just want to be a professor, he wants to be President of the University. So we've been talking, and since we both went to boarding school, we thought that maybe that track would-" 

"What's all this 'we' stuff?" 

"It's 'we' stuff because Steven is leaving to go teach at Andover... And I'm going with him." 

"What?!" 

"He wants to marry me. He wants to start a family." 

Finn shook his head, struggling to make sense of this, but it didn't make any sense. "You can't leave now. What about your senior year?" 

"Andover isn't that far away. I might be able to commute for a few of my classes, do the rest by correspondence. Besides, half my senior credits will be my thesis project, and I can do that anywhere. Steven is going to work it out with my department." 

Now Finn finally realized that she was serious. "Kate, I know why you want to do this. I know how much you want to have a family. But you don't really want to settle down this soon. There are so many other things that you want to do, all those things that we talked about. What about Mount Kilimanjaro? What about backpacking through Nepal?" 

"That's what _you_ wanted to do. You can go without me." 

"What I'm saying is, don't commit to something like marriage so early. You're barely 20! Why are you always in such a hurry?" 

"Why are you never in a hurry?" 

Finn ignored that. "You have the rest of your life to start a family. You don't have to do it now." 

"Actually, I do have to do it now. I'm pregnant." 

She might as well have thrown a brick at his head. He stared at her, dazed, his tongue paralyzed. For several seconds, neither of them spoke. Only then did Finn see that his roommate was standing in the doorway, shaking his drunken head slowly. 

"Bummer," the roommate said, then stumbled off down the hallway. 

Finally, with great effort, Finn was able to form some words. "So... you're keeping it?" 

"Of course I'm keeping it!" 

"How far along are you?" 

"What do you care how far along I am? I'm not getting an abortion. I'm getting married." 

Finn stood up. "But have you really thought about this?" 

Kate put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes. "Don't patronize me, Finn. I'm older than you are." 

He approached her slowly, carefully, as if she were a wild animal that might attack. He laid his hands on her shoulders and waited until she looked up at him. "Kate, you don't drop out of Harvard to have a baby." 

"What am I supposed to do? Stay here? Keep the baby in the dorms? They don't even let us have cats." 

"You don't want to be a mother right now. If you feel like you don't have a family, you should work on the one you've got before trying to build a new one from scratch. You say this isn't about your father, but it is. It's about all your insecurities. Kate, you're so messed up in the head, you don't even see how messed up you are." 

She pulled away from him. "I'm glad to see you've got all of my psychoses pinpointed, Finn. But maybe you should try turning that analytical mirror on yourself. Maybe you should figure out why you're so terrified of relationships, why you refuse to fall in love." She turned away and walked to the door. 

"Kate, I--" 

She stopped and turned back around. "What?" 

He wanted to tell her. For over a year he'd been waiting for the right moment. He knew that if he didn't do it right now, he would never again get the chance. 

But then, looking down at her stomach, he knew that the chance had already passed. 

"Kate, I... I'm sorry I'm not being supportive. I'm shocked, that's all. I wasn't ready to lose you, lose our friendship." 

"I know. I figured you'd be upset, but we can still be friends. I won't be that far away." 

"Yeah, of course. So, anyway..." He swallowed hard and looked at her, mustering all the strength he had so that he could say the hardest thing he would ever say in his life: "Congratulations." 

She smiled and walked back to him, took his hand in hers. "Thank you." She squeezed his hand. "We'll stay in touch, Finn." 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

The second weekend in February was unseasonably warm. The temperature passed 60 degrees, and suddenly it was the earliest spring in New Rawley memory. The snow melted away and flooded the streets with water. The signs went up on the frozen lake warning that it was no longer safe for ice-skating. Within two days, the ice had broken into chunks and was floating off into the river. 

The sight of the quad that weekend could have been mistaken for a day in July -- girls in sundresses, boys in shorts, sitting outside on blankets to protect themselves from the damp ground that slowly absorbed the moisture of melted snow. Dueling boom boxes blared music. Frisbees flew back and forth, sometimes caught in mid-air by overzealous golden retrievers. 

For Finn, the warmth wasn't just from the weather. The chill of winter had been compounded by the cold shoulder he'd been getting from Kate for the past few months. But now everything was thawing. Even if the winter came roaring back, as it inevitably did in New England in February, he would still be warm. After several long years of winter, Finn was back in the springtime of his life. 

When he found Kate in the art room, her hair was pinned up and she was wearing a sleeveless blouse and a gauzy flowered skirt. She was grading some student pottery. 

"I can't believe this," she said. She picked up a spottily-glazed mug with a giant nose sticking out of its side. "I found out that some of the upperclassmen have been tricking the freshmen into thinking this class is an automatic A." 

"Well, I think that one deserves an A." He took the mug and held it up next to his face. The nose looked remarkably like his own. 

"Hmm... You're right." She smiled and made a mark in her grade book. 

"So what are you doing working on a Saturday?" 

"Oh, just hanging out, waiting for my knight in shining armor to come whisk me away." 

"Would you settle for a squire in Abercrombie and Fitch?" 

She turned and looked at his khakis and shirt for labels. "You're kidding, right?" 

Finn leaned down to kiss her. Just before his lips reached hers, she pulled back slightly and said, "You remembered to close the door this time, right?" 

He nodded, and they kissed a long, deep kiss. 

"Mmmm..." Kate moaned happily. She rested her finger on his lips. "I've got an idea. Since it's spring, sort of, let's do something for old time's sake." 

"What?" 

"Do you have your key to the boathouse?" 

Finn grinned. 

**End of Part 5**


	6. 

Backstory, Part 6  Title: Backstory, Part 6 of 6 

Author: Depudor 

Email: depudor@hotmail.com 

Category: Finn/Other 

Rating: R 

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Steven Antin and Columbia/Tristar Television. No infringement intended. 

Summary: This is a Finn/Kate fic that is a quasi-sequel to 'The Best Christmas Ever' and begins one month after the events in that story. The main storyline is interspersed with flashback/backstory scenes that start with the episode Kiss & Tell and then go backwards in time from there. So the flashbacks are in reverse order, with the earliest flashback coming last. Make sense? Hopefully it will. 

Notes: The song "Breakin' Me" by Johnny Lang is somewhat key to this story, but it's from the show, so if you've got tapes you don't need to download anything off of Napster (although you should, because it's a great song). Just check out the first Kate/Finn scene in Kiss & Tell, the kissing scene that's interrupted by Ryder. The other song is "Suzanne" by Leonard Cohen -- the music is not important to the story, but it's a brilliant and beautiful song. And when I checked the lyrics on the Web, the site said "Related Artists: Nick Drake." So there you go. A YA connection and I didn't even know it. 

Thanks: To Debi for her laborious hours spent helping me fine-tune this, to Sue and wonka for their input, and with a special dedication and much love to all you teachers out there! 

Feedback: Always appreciated. Thank you! ________________________________________________________________________________ 

Finn hadn't been inside the boathouse since his JV crew team had packed away their equipment after a triumphant weekend in October. The air was slightly musty, no doubt from melting snow leaking in through the roof, but sunlight streaming through the window made it warm. 

The mustiness went away when Kate stepped up to kiss him, bringing with her the intoxicating scent of her sweet perfume. She was so feminine, silk and flowers and softness. Finn could stand forever and just breathe her. 

"What's that perfume you wear?" 

"White Linen." 

Finn smiled. "That's perfect." 

"Why?" 

"It just is." 

As she looked up at him with a quizzical smile, he noticed that the tiny lines around her eyes just made her more beautiful. 

Kate grasped the hem of his rugby shirt and whispered, "Lift your arms." He obeyed, bending forward so that she could pull it off of him. She tossed his shirt aside and laid her cheek against his bare chest, lifting her hand up and watching her fingers as she traced along his muscles. Finn dipped his head as she looked up. She kissed him, her lips sweet and refreshing like honeydew. He trailed kisses down her neck as her head lolled back and she moaned softly. 

His fingers started undoing the buttons on her blouse, slowly and more carefully this time. The blouse slipped to the floor as he unfastened her bra. Kate moved her hands lower down his chest... and lower. She took his belt buckle and started undoing it. 

A noise from outside made them both freeze. 

"Oh, God!" Kate whispered. 

Someone was outside the door, trying to get in. 

She looked up at Finn. "Who would want to use the boathouse in February?" 

He shrugged. "We did." 

"You locked the door, didn't you?" 

"Of course." He heard something slide into the lock. "Of course, that doesn't help if they've got a key." 

"Who has a key besides you?" Kate asked, grabbing her shirt off the floor. 

Finn put his arm around her. "Come on." They gathered up the rest of their clothes, and he led her around a corner, behind a boat rack. They knelt down behind the rack as they pulled their clothes back on. 

The door opened, sending a soft breeze and a long ray of sunshine across the cement floor. Two people entered and closed the door. From Finn's vantage point, looking between two low shelves, he could only see them from the waist down. It appeared to be two boys, one in shorts and one in jeans. But then Finn heard a not-quite-masculine voice, and he knew exactly who it was. His stomach twisted. 

"It stinks in here," Jake said. "Pee-yew." 

"It's a little musty," Hamilton replied. "I used to help Finn clean up in here. Maybe he's given up." 

Crouched behind the shelves, Kate looked at Finn in horror. He knew that the last person she wanted to be caught by was her son. Finn simply held his finger up to his lips, warning her to be quiet as she buttoned up her blouse. 

"Yeah, it didn't smell this bad last summer," Jake commented. 

Finn saw the two pairs of legs press up against each other, and then the talking was replaced by wet smacking noises that were unmistakable. He felt a hand clutch his shoulder. He turned to see Kate wide-eyed, the color draining from her face. Finn knew he had to do something, quickly. He racked his brain for a way out of this situation. 

The two bodies parted, and Finn thought maybe they were off the hook. Maybe the kids would be driven away by the stale air. But then he heard a rustling noise as Hamilton threw a tarp down on the ground. 

"That looks comfy," Jake said dryly. 

"Yeah, it's not the Ritz-Carlton, but even the Ritz-Carlton gets old after a while." 

"Not really. Not when you've got a hot tub." 

Finn heard a growling noise and a soft giggle and saw them step up to each other again. A sweatshirt landed on the floor... then another sweatshirt. He heard the rip of Velcro and something else landed on the floor, something flat and white. 

And then Finn remembered something that Will had said to him at the diner not long ago... 

_They're having sex._

He knew he had to stop them, had to do something before... 

The pair of jeans dropped to the wearer's ankles, revealing thin, smooth, female legs - and a pair of panties, with a crotch clearly devoid of any male genitalia. 

Finn couldn't even look at Kate now. He knew what she had seen. It was too late. Too late for Jake, and too late to save himself. And yet he still had to put a stop to it. 

"Ahem," he coughed loudly. 

"Aah!" yelped Jake. As Finn emerged from behind the shelves, she grabbed up her sweatshirt and held it in front of her chest, bra straps still showing. 

"Hi, guys," Finn said. 

"Finn!" Hamilton cried. "God! Why do you always walk in on us?" 

"What were you doing back there?" Jake asked. "Why didn't you come out sooner?" 

"Jake, I'm not the one standing in the middle of the boathouse in my underwear. Maybe you shouldn't be asking the questions." 

Jake looked down, and Hamilton put his arms around her and pulled her to his bare chest, as if protecting her from the big mean Finn. 

"Sorry, Finn," Hamilton said. "We just wanted to... Well, it's so warm out, and we thought we'd..." 

"Yeah, it's OK, Hamilton." 

"And I know you keep telling us to be more careful, but I figured no one--" 

"I said it's OK, Hamilton. Why don't you guys just get on out of here?" 

Jake had already pulled up her jeans, and Hamilton picked up the flat white piece of cloth. Jake lifted her arms, and he quickly slid it around her back and fastened it over her chest. Finn finally realized what it was for. They each pulled their sweatshirts back on, and Hamilton bent to pick up the tarp as well. 

"Leave it," Finn said. "I'll take care of it." 

"If you say so. Bye, Finn." Hamilton and Jake opened the door, walked out, and closed it behind them. 

Finn stood in the middle of the silent room. He waited a moment, ran his fingers through his hair, and sighed. "Kate? You can come out now." He wasn't surprised that she didn't. He walked around the boat rack to the hidden corner and found her sitting down, leaning back against the wall, staring at the space between the shelves as if her eyes were still stuck on what she had just seen. 

"I can't believe it," she said quietly. "I can't believe you didn't tell me. How long have you known?" 

Finn realized that the best course of action now was to be completely honest. "Since the end of summer session." 

Kate nodded, taking this in. She was still quiet, still composed, but her mind was obviously reeling as she said, "OK, I'm missing something here. This is so bizarre I don't even know where to begin. Why would a girl pretend to be a boy..." 

"Kate, there's a whole story behind all this. Jake has a bad family situation and wanted to prove a point about how neglected and ignored she is. She got shipped off to boarding school, rarely sees her mother--" 

"Every student here got shipped off to boarding school. As did I. It didn't turn me into a cross-dresser. Is that why she said she's doing... whatever it is she's doing... There's got to be more to it than that. And whatever it is, I don't think I want Hamilton involved in it." She shook her head. "I had her in my home, cooked meals for her, let her sleep in... Oh, God!" She dropped her face into her hands. Her composure was slowly slipping away. "And you didn't say anything." 

"Kate, I --" 

"And this last month, you let me think he was gay! I didn't know my own son. Do you have any idea how much that... You know there's nothing in this world more important to me than my relationship with Hamilton." 

"Really? I would have thought his happiness was more important to you." 

She looked up at him suddenly. "How dare you say that to me?! Of course I want him to be happy." 

"You know what makes him happy? Jake. He's a totally different person than he was before she came along." 

"And here I thought it was going to school that made the difference." She shook her head again. "I can't believe he didn't tell me. But I understand why he didn't. You, I don't understand. I always trusted you." 

"You can still trust me." 

"And what about your job, your duty to report things like this? Do you have any idea what a huge deal this is? There's a girl masquerading as a boy at our school, living in a boys' dormitory, using a boys' rest room, showers." 

"And that's exactly why Steven would kick her out. He wouldn't have a choice. And I couldn't let that happen." 

Kate examined him carefully. "Why? Why would you risk your own job to protect them?" 

"Because I was too stupid to seize the moment." 

Kate looked at him but didn't speak. 

"Young love," he continued. "You take it for granted, because you think every love will be this good. You don't know how much it means. You don't realize that this may be the best you'll ever know. And you have to grab onto it. Maybe what Hamilton and Jake have is just puppy love. Maybe it's just hormones. But maybe it's true love. Maybe they're made for each other. I think they deserve the chance to find out. Because you have to seize the moment. You never know when it's going to be too late..." 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Arts First week was in April that year. The Master of Adams House was letting the students use the old squash courts as an exhibition space, and Kate was the first to stake out a claim. When Finn walked in to help her set up for the next day, she had already hung three paintings. 

"I thought you were going to wait for me," he said. 

"I wanted to get a sense of the lay-out while the sun was still up, because natural lighting gives a totally different look." 

He looked around at the tall white walls. "This is a great space. Nice to see it's found a more noble purpose than squash." 

She tossed him her keys. "Hey, go back to my room and bring the rest of my paintings." 

"Yes, sir!" He saluted and walked out. 

Finn did as he was told and returned with five more paintings. He moved them around the room as Kate spent an excruciating amount of time determining exactly how she wanted them arranged. When the paintings were all hung to her satisfaction, she began to install a row of track lights that she brought, climbing on a stepladder to adjust them. 

Finn sat down on the floor and looked through the stack of cassette tapes next to her portable stereo. "I can't believe your tape collection. No Cyndi Lauper, no Duran Duran. All you have is old stuff. No girl music." 

"Do you go through a lot of girls' music collections?" 

"Um... nope." 

"I like the old stuff. In the '60s, music was poetry. I would think you'd appreciate that, you being a man of letters." 

"It just sounds like poetry because they were all on drugs." 

"They're still all on drugs, but the lyrics aren't as good anymore. That's what my brother says. He's a musician." 

"What does he play?" 

"Electric guitar." 

"Cool." Finn popped a Beatles cassette into the tape deck and looked up at Kate on the stepladder, his thoughts turning from music to other matters... Her long blonde hair was twisted up on top of her head, and the faded denim overalls she always wore when she was painting hung loosely on her slender frame. She was so casual and unkempt, no make-up on; this was when Finn found her the most beautiful. 

He walked up behind her, laid his hands on her hips and leaned his head against her back. She reached behind her and ran a finger down his cheek. He held onto her as she continued to work on the light. Finally she turned around and looked down at him. 

"I like being taller than you," she said. 

"I like eye level." He wrapped his arms around her and slowly lowered her until they were face to face. She wrapped her legs around his waist. Finn kicked the stepladder aside and pressed her up against the wall between two paintings. Her lips were all over him, her hands grasping his head, and her tongue quickly finding its way into his mouth. 

But suddenly she pulled her lips away. "Finn --" 

"What?" 

Her eyes widened nervously. "What if no one comes?" 

"People will come. I've told everyone I know to come to this." 

"Yeah, but you're a freshman. How many people can you possibly know?" 

"Shut up." 

She laughed and hugged him. "Thanks, Finn," she whispered. 

"You're welcome. And I accept the verbal abuse as part of your artistic temperament." He set her down and kissed her cheek. His lips drifted slowly along her jaw until he met her lips, and they kissed hungrily again. 

But then Kate pulled away again. "What time is it?" 

"Quarter to midnight. Why?" 

"I have to call my parents! I don't know what time they're getting here tomorrow." 

"Are you sure they're coming?" 

"It's my very first art exhibit. I've been talking to them about it for months. If they miss this I might as well be an orphan." 

"So we still getting pizza?" 

"Yeah, I'll meet you back at your room in fifteen minutes." 

"OK." He kissed her again, not wanting to let go. He loved seeing her so excited, loved the energy that emanated from her as she stood in that room surrounded by her creativity that was about to be unveiled to the public. 

"Finn... I really have to go. We can continue this later. In your room." She raised an eyebrow and ran her tongue over her front teeth. 

"OK, if you put it like that." 

He let her go and went back to his room. Fifteen minutes later, she hadn't shown. Half an hour went by, and finally Finn called her room. Her roommate answered. 

"Hey, Angela. Is Kate still there?" 

"Hi, Irving." 

"Don't call me that. It's Finn. No one calls me Irving." 

"I know. That's why I like it." 

"Just put Kate on the phone." 

"She took off like a while ago." 

"How long ago?" 

"I don't know. Like, twenty minutes? She was totally pissed off." 

"Pissed off? About what?" 

"Well, let's see. The only two things my woman-of-steel roommate gets pissed about are, like, you and her parents. So if you don't know, then I'd guess it was her parents. She, like, got off the phone and said, and I quote, 'Fuck this. Fuck the whole thing.' And then she totally stormed out." 

"Shit. Thanks, Angela." 

"I hope you find her." 

"Me too." 

Finn slammed down the phone. He knew exactly where she would be. He ran from his dorm to the squash courts as fast as his long legs would carry him. 

But he didn't get there in time. The exhibit was in disarray. Kate had pulled down all of the paintings and was stomping on them. 

"Kate, stop!" He ran to her and tried to pull her off one of the canvases. 

She pushed him away. "Leave me alone!" 

"What are you doing?" 

"What does it matter? According to my father, everything I do is worthless!" 

She ran over to the corner, knelt next to a large can and started unscrewing the cap. She had it off by the time Finn realized that it was paint remover. 

"You know what he said to me?" she cried, her voice full of disgust. "He said that perhaps painting is not the best hobby for me. _Hobby_! He wanted to know why I couldn't take up horseback riding or fencing like my sisters." She hoisted the can up. "Next he's going to ask why I haven't joined the Young Republicans club." She swung the paint remover out over the nearest painting, splashing two other paintings and herself in the process. 

Finn jumped back. "Kate!!" 

"Get out of the way, Finn. You don't want to get this on you." 

"Kate, stop it!" 

"Now I know why my brother doesn't talk to them anymore." She waved the can again, and more of the volatile liquid splashed out across the floor. Finn charged at her and managed to wrestle the can away from her. 

The noxious fumes were so overpowering he could barely breathe. "Come on." He set the can down and pulled Kate outside into the cool night air of the Adams House courtyard. 

"Just breathe," he said, running his hands over her face. "Calm down." 

She looked up at the starry sky, and her anger gave way to grief. Tears formed in her eyes. "They're not coming, Finn." 

"Yeah, I figured that." 

"They live an hour away, and they're not coming." 

"Shh..." He wrapped his arms around her. 

"I hate them." 

"No, you don't." 

She took a deep breath. "I promise you someday, when I have children, I'm going to treat them like they're the most important thing in the world. I'll support them and give them all my attention. And I'll never leave them all alone." 

"You're not all alone, Kate. You've got me." 

She broke away from his embrace and stepped back. "I don't have you, Finn. You won't give yourself to me." She glared at him, then stormed back inside. 

"What do you mean?" he asked, ignoring the fumes and following her. 

"We don't have a real relationship." 

"Of course we do. I'm closer to you than to anybody." 

"And that's exactly what you always say. 'We're close.' 'We're friends.' We've been sleeping together for three months, and you won't even refer to me as your girlfriend!" 

"I just don't see why that matters. Why do we have to categorize everything, put labels on things?" 

"That's your way of saying that you're not in love with me." 

"Kate, I'm 17! What do you want from me?" 

"You're 18." 

"OK, but just last year I was 17. I've got three more years of college ahead of me. I'm not looking to jump into a serious relationship right now." 

"What if you're already in a serious relationship and you just don't realize it?" 

"Listen, I care about you. A lot." 

"Is it because of Karen?" 

"Of course not. I broke up with Karen not long after you and I started..." He stopped, realizing that he didn't word that the best possible way. "Listen, you don't understand what it's like... You grew up in this world. Harvard isn't such a big deal for you. You've traveled everywhere, done everything. I'm a kid from New Rawley. I have to soak up as much of this experience as I can. I still have a lot of exploring to do." 

"Well, it's good to know that you stopped exploring with Karen only shortly after you started exploring with me." 

"Kate, I'm serious about exploring. I want to see the world. I've never been to Europe, never even been outside the U.S. So... I applied to study in London next semester." 

"What? When? Why didn't you tell me?" 

"I didn't say anything before because I probably won't get into the program anyway, with my grades. But I want to make sure you're not making any long-term plans for us. Let's just take things slowly, see where it goes. One day at a time. OK?" 

Kate stood with her arms crossed, her glare slowly softening. There was no way for her to win this argument. "OK, but I don't know if that's enough for me, Finn." 

"Maybe not, but I don't see anyone else standing here willing to stay up all night asphyxiating to help you get this mess straightened up." 

Kate finally looked around at the destruction she had wrought. "Oh, God... What's the point? I can't do the show now." 

"Sure you can. We just need to clean these babies up. Well, except for that one. That one's probably a lost cause." 

"Finn, I can't." 

"I'll help you. Go get your paints." 

"But there isn't time, even if we stay up all night. The exhibit opens at nine." 

"Yeah, but nobody'll show up right at nine. No one wakes up that early on a Saturday." 

Kate sighed and finally smiled. Finn nodded. Together, they could do it. 

She got her paints, and they worked all night. Finn knew her paintings so well he could do some of the reconstructive work for her, touch-ups and wiping away shoe prints. One splattered canvas couldn't be salvaged, but a couple of them looked even better than before, the garish gashes and splashes giving them an edginess that made her work look more mature than it was. 

They managed to fix the paintings, re-hang them, and adjust the track lights all by the time the morning sun came filtering in through the skylight. Finn looked at his watch. It was 8:30. 

"We made it," he said. 

Kate collapsed on the floor. "But I don't even have time to go home and get a shower and change." 

"You look cute all messed up. Besides, you don't have to be here all day. You can take off for a while and get cleaned up. Right now you should try to get some rest." 

Finn sat down next to her and pulled her into his lap. She leaned against his chest. They were next to the stereo, and Finn looked through her tapes for some soothing music. He chose one with a Leonard Cohen song that he loved because it reminded him of Kate. He had to agree with her -- the '60s song was like poetry. He held her and closed his eyes as he listened to the soft guitar strums. 

_Suzanne takes you down to her place near the river   
You can hear the boats go by, you can spend the night beside her   
And you know that she's half-crazy but that's why you want to be there   
And she feeds you tea and oranges that come all the way from China   
And just when you mean to tell her that you have no love to give her   
Then she gets you on her wavelength and she lets the river answer   
That you've always been her lover   
And you want to travel with her, and you want to travel blind   
And you know that she will trust you   
For you've touched her perfect body with your mind_

Finn opened his eyes and looked down at Kate, her head now pillowed in his lap. Wow, she was beautiful... beautiful and a firestorm - of emotion, of creativity, of need. He watched her as she slipped into an uneasy slumber. Her lush lips parted slightly and moved almost as if she were arguing with her dreams. Her long blonde hair had fallen out of its twist and now fanned out in Finn's lap and curled around her face like a golden nest, tiny rays of morning sunlight dripping down into it from the skylight. 

Finn had always been better at writing things down than explaining himself in conversation. Somehow, when he had a piece of paper in front of him, his thoughts all made sense. Several times he had tried to write her a letter to explain how he felt, but he thought she might find it too corny. He didn't realize until now just how much he'd hurt her, or how much she really cared. He hated to wake her up, but at that moment he thought he might be able to tell her. 

"Kate?" 

"Mm-hmm?" she murmured, not opening her eyes. 

Finn looked up at the skylight, took a deep breath, and began, "I guess I've never explained why I don't call you my girlfriend. And I know it's a stupid thing, but believe me when I say that it means so much more to me that you're my best friend. You understand me, and I trust you. I've never been this close to anyone before. I've never let anyone read my journals before, or my poetry. And the first time we had sex -- God, I can't believe I'm telling you this -- the first time we had sex, I freaked out. I'd never felt so... exposed... honest. I guess I'd never really made love before." He paused and ran his fingers through her hair, but still he didn't look down at her. He was still too scared by what he was saying. "You have no idea how hard that is for me to say the word. It's such a new thing for me, I guess I have to get used to it. But I know that being here like this with you, holding you, is the best thing I've ever felt. And I know that... I do... I do love you. " 

He stopped, having finally gotten it out. He looked down at her now, expecting to see a rapt gaze returning his love. But her eyes were closed, her breathing slow. 

"Kate?" he murmured. No response. "Kate?" he said louder. 

She opened her tired eyes and yawned. "What? Did you say something?" 

As deflated as he was, Finn still smiled and laughed slightly. He was an English major, and he could appreciate the irony. "It's OK. Get some sleep. I'll tell you later." He bent and kissed the top of her head and added, "It can wait." 

But Kate opened her eyes wider. "What time is it? I have to get up. I have to get back to my room and get the food." 

"Food?" 

"The refreshments. Wine and fruit and cheese." 

"Ooh, fancy." 

"That's what you serve people at these things." 

"OK. You stay here, rest. I'll go get it." 

Kate nodded, and he slid out from underneath her. She lay down on the ground and closed her eyes again. 

Finn walked to the door and opened it. Sunlight poured through, and he turned to watch it touch Kate's face and light up the golden nest of hair around her like a halo. She stirred slightly, as if his gaze were a hand caressing her face. 

At that moment, Finn knew he wasn't going to London. 

Suddenly, the sunlight disappeared as a shadow fell across her face and obscured her features. There was someone behind him in the doorway, blocking the light. 

"Good morning, Finn!" 

Uh-oh, Finn thought as he turned. Kate was passed out on the floor, and she already had her first visitor. Worse still, it was a teaching fellow who happened to be Finn's academic advisor. They met so rarely -- the school was notorious for its lack of guidance for undergrads -- that it was pure coincidence Finn had run into him just last week and invited him to the exhibit. Now if he could just remember the guy's name... 

"Hey!" Finn greeted him. "Man, you're early." 

"You said the exhibit opened at nine." 

"Yeah, but we didn't expect anyone to be here right at nine." 

"Well, the early bird catches the --" The teacher stopped as he spotted the fair-haired maiden on the floor. "Is this sleeping beauty Kate?" 

Kate heard her name and opened her eyes groggily. She yawned and covered her mouth with the back of her hand, not moving to get up but simply staring up at this stranger. 

Finn finally came up with a name to introduce them. "Kate, this is Steven Fleming. He's my academic advisor. Steven, this is the artist, Katherine Hamilton." He then added in a whisper, "She had a last-minute fiasco with some of the paintings and was up all night." 

Steven nodded, then smiled broadly at Kate. "Finn tells me you're an amazing artist, and his best friend in the whole world." 

At the words 'best friend' Kate rolled her eyes slightly. She started to get up. 

Steven went to her and held out his hand. "Let me help you." She took his hand and he pulled her to her feet as he looked around and said, "This is amazing stuff. I love painting, but I don't have the talent for it myself. So I'm in awe of artists." 

Kate smiled politely. "Thank you." 

"Steven, I have to run get something," said Finn. "I'll be back in just in a minute." 

"Take your time," Steven replied. "I'll keep Kate company." 

"Thanks," Finn said as he hurried out the door. He stopped and looked back over his shoulder at Steven, wondering why he was still holding Kate's hand. 

"Although, you could probably use a cup of coffee," Steven was saying to her. "Would you like me to run down to the café and get you something?" 

"You don't have to do that." 

"I'll do anything to foster the arts." 

Kate laughed. "Maybe I'll go with you." 

Finn took off for the dorm, but something struck him as slightly creepy. His academic advisor wasn't hitting on Kate, was he? Finn shook his head. That was too weird a thought, and his mind was too exhausted to deal with it now. He'd ask her about it later, when they talked. This would all get worked out later... 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Kate stared up at him silently for a moment. Finn hoped that he had touched that part inside of her that remembered, that would understand. 

She stood up and stepped out from behind the boat rack, dusting off her skirt. "This has nothing to do with us, Finn." 

"You asked me why, and I'm telling you. When I heard Jake's story, her issues with her mother, my heart went out to her. Do you know who she sounded like? When she came to Rawley, she was even more unhappy than Hamilton was. And now, you've seen yourself how happy they are together. They do love each other. They've told me so themselves. And who knows where it might go? If she got kicked out, they'd try to stay in touch, but the moment would have passed. Life would take them on separate courses, and it would be too late. All I wanted was for Jake and Hamilton to be able to seize that moment before Fate wielded her ugly hand and ripped them apart. If they get caught, that will happen. But I wasn't going to play the part of their executioner." 

Kate sighed. "Fine, I understand that the romantic in you wouldn't turn them in. But what about me? Do you have so little respect for me that you think I would go running to Steven to tell him that... I don't even know how I'd say it... My son's boyfriend is really his girlfriend?" 

"This has nothing to do with how much I respect you. I didn't want Steven to find out, and I didn't want you to have to carry the burden of lying to him about it. I didn't think you needed one more secret in your marriage." 

"You'd rather I carry the burden of thinking that my son is gay and has come out to everyone on campus except for me?" 

"When you started to see that something was going on, when you started to make assumptions, I wanted to tell you the truth. But it was Hamilton's place to do it, not mine." 

"Even though you knew it was breaking my heart?" 

"Kate --" 

"What about when you knew she was sleeping in his bedroom? You didn't think about telling me then?" 

"I don't know. It didn't seem like a big deal." 

Kate rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "You are so obviously not a parent." 

"No, I'm not. And maybe I screwed up. But trust me when I say --" 

"How can I trust you now, Finn? At all? How can I trust you enough to give up my marriage, give up the whole world I've built for myself, the only world I've known since I was a teenager? I should've learned when I was nineteen that I can't count on you." 

"I did what I did for your son's happiness! Doesn't that count for anything?" 

"You know what I think? I think you did it to assuage your own guilt. I think you let Hamilton have his little secret girlfriend so you wouldn't feel so bad about taking his mother away. Because that's what you were always planning, wasn't it?" 

"No, I never planned on any of this." 

"I wanted to leave my marriage because it wasn't honest anymore. But apparently, honesty isn't what I have with you. At least when Steven tells me he has Hamilton's best interests at heart, I can believe him." 

Kate walked to the door and opened it. Only then did Finn realize that she was walking out. 

"Kate, tell me you're not going back to Steven because I didn't tell you about Jake." 

She stared at him for a few long, tortuous seconds, and then said simply, "Goodbye, Finn." 

She turned and walked out into the bright sunlight. Finn ran to the doorway, but he didn't go after her. There were too many people around now. He walked back to the window and watched as she walked away across the campus, toward the house she shared with her husband and son. 

He stood looking out the boathouse window until she disappeared. He stood there until the setting sun lengthened the shadow behind him and painted the boat rack with rays of pink and orange. Then he left and locked the door behind him. 

When he walked back into his empty apartment, he went straight to the stereo. The CD was still in there. He turned it on to play what had become for him "their song." 

_Now here I am   
Half a man, standing alone   
Feeling like I lost   
my only chance at happiness   
when I let you go _

I don't want to be alone   
thinkin' bout you girl,   
I've got nothin' left to hold   
in this lonely world 

The first time my heart was ever touched,   
was the day I lost your love   
I can feel it in my flesh, my flesh and blood,   
but my soul can only take so much 

So there it is   
Why can't you give us one more try   
You and I could find a way to live,   
if you let me in just one more time 

I know you lost your faith in me   
but I still believe   
Can I make you understand   
Can I make you see   
I am desperate for your love   
and it's breakin' me 

It's breakin' me 

**THE END**


End file.
